Tuesday, February 20, 2018

To Do Lists: Breaking and Building Habits

So I didn't post last week, but it's because I've been having some trouble with getting words out right. I've also lately fallen into a routine with volunteering at church and babysitting weekly, which is nice, but it doesn't leave a lot of time for doing other things. Especially when I've had a busy week of paperwork and haven't had the chance to do things like dishes or tidying my room.

I've been trying to get work done around the house on the rare occasions that I'm home but we've been going to the beach almost every weekend these last two months, or I volunteer at church and then I'm gone most of the day. Again, these aren't bad things, but they add up to tired Mondays with nothing checked off of my weekend to do list. And ultimately distracting me from the goals I'm trying to focus on.

I've been trying to get things on track this year, and for the most part I've been successful, I've started keeping my room tidy, I've started writing again, I'm planning on having a car by the time I start camp and things have been going pretty well. There are times I trip up, but that's bound to happen when you're re-building yourself. You're digging through the bad habits and some of those bad habits are embarrassing. I've been thinking a lot about the kind of person I am, and the kind of person I'm building. Especially when it comes to completing tasks. I tend to be fairly lazy when I have to get things done and it's hard to change that, to break the habits I've formed for nearly 23 years, but what's helped me is reminding myself of a few questions: What kind of person do I want to be? and What is a physical step I could do today to get there?

I will be the first to admit that I am a list maker but not a list doer. I love sitting down with some paper and highlighters and making a color coordinated list of every little thing I need to get done. But when it comes to completing tasks I tend to fall short. I will put a list together with every minuscule task I need or want to do, and once I finish it I don't know where to begin. Do you ever get that way? Where once you see everything you need to do, you just shut down.


Although I am making this year one of change, getting rid of bad habits and forming good ones is still hard. There's just too much to do, or too many distractions, or some of the things require external cooperation. Or worse yet I just have no motivation to work on that particular task. I get overwhelmed or just plain lazy. And I really don't like this about myself! I don't know why I do it because I know that I need to get things accomplished, but I just don't know where to begin. As I've been working to improve myself this year I have come to the realization that everyone who's tried to break habits has come to: It's really hard! It's hard to do simple things when you are not used to doing them. I am not very good at keeping my room tidy. I am usually working on a lot of little projects at once, so I'll have a sketchbook, some pens, my laptop, some coloring books, a journal (maybe two), some laundry, the book I'm writing, AND a few books I'm reading all strewn across my bed at once. Then I'll jump back and forth between them, without actually making much progress, because I don't really know where to begin and there are too many distractions to focus.

It leads to unproductive evenings and weekends and has caused me to admit something that really hurts to tell myself: I can't multitask. Ouch! I have friends and relatives that multitask really well, but it's just not a skill I have. Maybe I can build it in the future, but for now I need to focus on one thing at a time, and I need to make it a habit. So right at this moment I am turning off the music I'm listening to, I'm minimizing all of the other windows, and tabs I have open, and I'm moving distractions like books and to do lists out of my line of sight so that all I am focusing on is this post. *breathes*

Do you ever not realize you had a headache until after you put away the headache inducing item(s), and take stock of yourself for a moment. "Oh hey, I didn't realize there was a pain in my right temple, but it's going away now that my headphones are off." Taking a break feels hard at first. I have the urge to pop onto facebook, or pop my headphones back on, but I know that after some time I will get used to it, the other things can wait, and it will actually help me accomplish things better in the future. But I need to remember that while its okay to take breaks in life it's not okay to live your life on a break. This is something I have been doing. And yes you can live your life on a break and still over schedule yourself.

When you continue to put off important tasks, you are over scheduling and living on a break. When you think of entertainment or hobbies as mandatory, you are over scheduling and living on a break. You are forming bad habits by putting off what needs to be done and allowing your to do list to be filled with things that don't.

I've got a lot on my list. Big goals for the year like getting my license, or a car, and small goals like  working on my book, exercising more frequently, and improve my handwriting. All important things but varying in their importance. But the main issue is that I also have things on my list that aren't important such as keeping up on TV or making time to doodle, or bake. These things not only come secondary, but they can also deter me from completing my bigger goals. They shouldn't even be on a to do list, they should be options for after to do lists are done.

So once I've eliminated these items by sorting everything else by importance, where do I begin? Well the obvious answer is the most important thing on the list, but instead of deciding what's most most important I'm starting with what's small. It's important that I participate in keeping the kitchen tidy, but it's also important that I keep my room clean. My room will take less time, especially if I give myself a set time to complete it in. I know this sounds a little crazy but it really works. I can get to the kitchen when I have some people to share toe workload with.
It should only take about ten minutes to tidy my room, make the bed, and vacuum. And maybe even throw in a load of laundry. Then I can start washing some dishes between loads. But one thing I think we all tend to forget is that we can only do so many things in a day. I tend to get a list of thirty things I want to do on a Saturday, but there aren't enough hours in the day, and some of the tasks take much longer than others. So ask yourself: What is the priority? What is on my list that can be done quickly? Where do those two things converge? If I continue to do this I will be building a habit, and off of this habit I can build a new one, where I don't need a list to tell me what needs to be done. I pick up after myself before it can turn into a mess, and once my habit for to do lists turns into me having already done them I'll have more tie to devote to hobbies and the likes.

I can tell myself over and over that I am going to wake up one day and be different, but that's not how change works. Change is a process, a long one filled with ups and downs, but I can ask myself what I could be doing right now that will help to move me forward, toward a goal I want to complete, by subtracting distractions and adding positive habits. I can tell myself that I am going to start getting up early on Saturdays and whack out a bunch of stuff, but if I stay up late watching TV on Friday night that's not going to happen. It's about making sacrifices, and they may be silly sacrifices, but they're hard nonetheless. At least at first.

So now I want to ask: What are ways you keep yourself motivated? Do you make lists? Do you multitask? Please leave your tips below, I'd love to hear them. Thanks!

~Delaney

P.S. Totally unrelated but Dashboard Confessional just released their new album. It's called Crooked Shadows and it's like ear candy! You guys! My soul needed this!

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