Giving up Pointless Projects for Purposeful Product

Busy lazy weekend! I swear it feels like I got nothing done, and yet I was doing stuff all weekend. I spent Saturday tidying my bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen, in an attempt to be able to bake on Sunday for today's post, but I didn't have the chance to do laundry or any baking. I'm setting aside Saturday for that this next weekend though, as I have earned it with all the work I did this last week.

I did however get to go to the beach on Sunday, which was just what I needed! I haven't had a decent beach trip in I don't know how long, but I can tell you it's probably been a year or so. This was something I feel like my soul needed. There's been a lot of change and craziness going on lately and it was nice to squidge my toes in the sand and just breathe for a moment, and clear my head for what I hope will be a productive week.

I've deemed this year a year of decluttering. Of stepping back and asking myself what I have in my life, what I need, and what I can get rid of. My church is doing a series right now called Subtraction (iTunes, Castbox), about all of the extra things we add to our lives in order to feel fulfilled, and how maybe we shouldn't be adding things but finding out what we can do without. I found this perfect timing because I have been planning this post for about a month and a half and now I have something to refer back to.

In all honesty I don't have a busy schedule, but rather I fill my time with unimportant things and act like they are requirements, and then stress when they aren't finished. TV is a really good example, I have a really hard time DNFing TV shows. My Netflix list is like a million years long, and even though I know that I'd rather watch my favorite shows over again, I still sit through shows I have minimal interest in just so I can say I've finished it. I've recently discovered this, and I honestly don't know why I do it, but I can tell you that I don't like it. I don't like spending all Saturday watching something just because "I have to finish it".

And who says I have to finish it? Is it me? Society? Netflix? I feel like it's all part of the FOMO our generation has. We can't miss out on the next fandom or the next fad because our friends will be talking about it and we'll feel left out. "Did you do the Ice Bucket Challenge? The Tide Pod Challenge? The how-many-toothpicks-can-I-fit-in-my-eye-socket-challenge?!" But is that really how our friendships work these days? With contingencies on what kind of television shows you watch, or useless activities you participate in? I'm going to admit something that's embarrassing, and yet as I say that it seems incredibly stupid.

I haven't watched Stranger Things.

There I said it. Most of you have probably already closed your browser. Farewell friends. It's been good while it lasted. RIP us.

Dramatic I know, but this is honestly a reaction I've gotten before when I admit that. And then if I admit that I DNFed (Did Not Finish) Game of Thrones it's like I'm no longer part of the group. Like we base our friendship on how much television we watch. But what TV shows we watch are not the soul factor in our personalities, nor are they the only thing that keep a relationship together. Our relationships are based on the love we have for each other in both our similarities and our differences. I draw, not well, but I enjoy it, I love to decorate cakes, I enjoy hiking and doing other nature like things, I love sitting down with a cup of coffee and just talking, and I LOVE to read. My family and friends enjoy some of these things as well but not all of them. And yet despite that knowledge I still find myself apologizing to people because I hadn't caught up on that one popular tv show: "I'm sorry, I just haven't had the chance." "This weekend I promise." "I know I need to just do it." It sound's like I'm talking about going through my garage, landscaping my backyard, or going back to school. Those are things I have to do. So why do I feel this guilt? And why do I inflict the same guilt on the people in my life when they haven't watched one of my shows? The answer to that is that honestly I don't know, because all it does is cause isolation. You aren't in with the crowd. You don't belong. And that truly sucks, because it causes unimportant expectations for the people who want to get to know us. A requirement list, that keeps getting longer. And it just needs to stop.

So I started deleting things from my Netflix list. Without looking up the trailer or reading the description like I used to, and weirdly I felt uneasy about it. That FOMO was already seeping in and I couldn't even tell you the plot of half the things I was deleting. I have to say that I hate that. I hate that something so stupid as television has so much pull in my life. I wanted that control back, so I just started getting rid of things. And now I feel no regrets about doing it. I've decided that from now on, every time I go to watch something I'm going to ask myself: Am I watching this because I want to, or because it's just something to do? And if the answer is that it's just something to do, I'm going to find something purposeful to fill my time: Work on my handwriting. Learn a new skill (like knitting or guitar - something with an end result, a finished product). Practice my math skills (I can't tell you the last time I was on Khan Academy). Go on a walk without my phone and just be in the moment. Maybe even write that book. I've been wanting to for so long.

Or maybe I'll use that time to actually do something with my family. Play a game, go on an adventure, make food, be silly, or simply just be. I think just being would be nice for a change. I have too many hobbies and for the longest time I've schedules them out. On Monday I draw, on Tuesday I color, on Wednesday I watch television... what if I decided not to do any of those and instead just focused on one thing, one thing that could actually produce a new skill, or a tangible goal. I've been really wanting to start walking. Focusing on that one thing and keeping that single goal in my head would allow me to hit my goal of loosing some weight, of getting to a healthier lifestyle, of not feeling depressed about the things I can't control, but instead would allow the time for me to focus. To ask myself what I want to accomplish, and where I see myself going. I can't do everything, but maybe I can do the right things for me. I can subtract the excess and learn what I can live without. I always joke that I could be one of those people that go off the grid, living in a cabin in the woods with a garden and some animals, but I can't even log out of Facebook.

I keep saying I want to have a whole week where I can de-clutter my house. Go through things, get rid of anything I don't need, and make things neater. But while I can't take a whole week off of work, I can focus on one thing every evening, and find a way to make a dent. I just need to make the time. No, I have the time I just need to utilize it. I need to be content with what I have, and subtract the meaningless things. Like I mentioned previously, my church has been doing a series on subtraction and a few weeks back my pastor said, "I think endless potential is paralyzing. The capacity to pursue everything creates paranoia over choosing the wrong thing, preventing us from committing to anything." There are so many hobbies that I have because I didn't want to miss out on the things my friends were doing. There are so many TV shows I started watching because I didn't want to be left out of the conversation when someone was theorizing about a plot point. But when you add all of these projects together it's just so much time lost, when I could have been doing something that had a better impact on my life. Something that made me think "I'm glad I didn't miss this", because living it is better than hearing about it. All I have to do is step back and look at what is taking up time in my life that I could be spending on my relationships or on my goals. Then subtract those things and fill that time with purpose.

So what are those things for me? Well I already mentioned my addiction to Netflix, but I also spend a lot of time on Facebook and Instagram just scrolling without actually engaging in the conversations there. And I watch a lot of YouTube. Too much YouTube! While these things aren't inherently bad I tend to gravitate toward them in order to fill my time, and then suddenly that time becomes my social media time. Instead of being a way to connect it becomes a distraction from my potential. This is where I need to start saying 'no'. When I find myself turning to Facebook I need to ask myself if there's something I'd rather be doing that can get me closer to one of my goals. Could I be writing? Reading? Spending time with my little sister? What could I be doing that I will remember in thirty years? And then I need to remember to breathe.

Part of stepping back, de-cluttering, and saying no, is taking that time to breathe. I am trying to actually allow myself to do that. To get off of everything, sit down with a pen and some paper, and either write or draw what is going on in that moment. I hate the phrases "live in the moment" or "YOLO" because I think it can be used to justify dumb decisions, but when I look back on my life I don't want to see a lot of sitting in front of a computer and obsessing over trivial things. I want to see trips like this one, where I got to explore places I love with the people I love. I got to do silly things and relax without thinking of self inflicted requirements. I don't need to see all 13 seasons of Supernatural, but I do need to see my sister become 13 and experience the memories that will come with this new year. I don't need to do everything as long as the things I do are worth while. I don't have to take everything I want when I was given everything I need. ~Delaney

Review: 6th Grade Supernatural #1: Abigail's Curse by J.B. Cantwell

This post is a day late, but this review has been a long time coming. I originally requested this book from LibraryThing's Member Giveaway in February of 2015! I had not known that it was the Kindle edition, meaning that the only way I would be able to read the book (at the time) was on Amazon's website, or on my phone's rather small screen, so it fell by the way side. So this last year with my parents giving me a tablet for Christmas I was able to start reading on a larger screen without sitting in front of my computer! I love it! I have the Amazon Fire HD 10 and I just love having it for reading and blogging while I travel, and as a larger screen for just browsing in general. #GlassesGirlProblems. Anyway, I have a bunch of reviews I have been backed up on and I'm finally down to just two books (I'll be posting the other review as I get to reading it).

This also goes into my mini resolution this year which is to read every book I own before I start buying new books. I know! It seems impossible, but I am avoiding LibraryThing and Goodreads giveaways and I am also in the process of trying to buy a car so I've gotten pretty good at not buying books or other splurge items. This is my long winded explanation for why I have been doing big posts of mini reviews.

So without further ado, I'd like to start my review by saying this book was hard to jump into! 6th Grade Supernatural: Abigail's Curse centers around Zander Casey, a 6th grade boy with a special ability. Zander is a Parallel. Zander can see ghosts. Now not all ghosts are bad according to Parallels. In fact most ghosts are rather pleasant and can be nice company sometimes. These ghosts are refereed to by Zander as "friendlies". Friendlies will strike up a conversation with you and maybe have a bit of fun but don't cause harm or trouble, unlike Nasties.

Nasties are ghost that are malicious in nature, they tug hair, throw trash, pull pranks and cause all other kinds of disturbances. They are just down right, well, nasty! As a Parallel it's Zander's job, along with his father who also has the gift, to track supernatural energy and banish Nasties from this world, a job that Zander holds with pride. But Zander's job is made increasingly hard with the arrival of Abigail Stone. On her first day of school the new girl is a bit of a snob, ignoring the pursuit of friendship from other classmates, and throwing dark glances at anyone who looks her way. To all the other students Abigail looks like trouble, but she's not the only one, for with her arrival Abigail brings a whole slew of Nasties. And with this Zander's trouble is just beginning.

I have to start by saying that no matter how much I enjoyed this book the first two chapters were terribly written! The first chapter was too long and the second too short. The story would have flowed better if they had rearranged the two of them so they were more equally decided. The world building was not done very well either and left you with many questions that weren't answered until the end of the second chapter. This was the main reason I procrastinated with starting this book. I would read the first chapter over and over and feel like I was simultaneously getting too much information and not enough.
You don't even know Zander's name or gender until the second chapter! There's only a few descriptions of characters, one of Abigail, described as having greasy black hair, very pale skin, green eyes, and a budding pimple, and the other is of Zander's father, a combination of a hipster and The Absent Minded Professor. But there is no mention of Zander's appearance nor any of his family members or fellow students. Understanding that this is an Advanced Reader's Copy I took this to mean that there would be more character description, and development when a completed version of the book was released, and I do genuinely still hope that.  I really like the development of Abigail's character, and believe it was done very well. She's described as very pale with greasy, jet black hair and a budding pimple on her nose. To a kid she seems like someone you would want to avoid. But when it came to the introduction of other characters this book left something to be desired.
There's mention of Zander's dad, Robert, having "pants that stop before his ankles", glasses and messy hair. I pictured him as a Wes Anderson/Cornelius Robinson character, hipster genius, but the appearance of the rest of the characters were missing. One of the big things I have to have in a book is description. Description of characters, of creatures, of surroundings. I am a visual person and my biggest complaint about this book is that there is little description of what anyone or anything looks like. This is really unfortunate because this book could have had a really cool Ghostbusters, or even steampunk vibe but it was just lacking. That being said this book is under 100 pages. It's a quick read and you don't really notice a lot of things that, had it been a longer book, you would have noticed. The characters, have little development and the surroundings aren't described well, but these are all things that an adult reading it would notice, and are less likely to be noticed by a kid. The whole overall story was fun and engaging and a good introduction to a series that could be really good. It just felt like a ending draft, it's almost there but not quite perfect. For example after the finale fight scene was over there was a really quick wrap up and lesson where there could have been more, more to grab you and make it an engaging lead-in for the second book. I guess what I'm saying is I really wanted this book to succeed but it left me feeling underwhelmed.

Updates and Questions: Where this Blog is Going and How I'm Getting There

So as you've seen I have been changing things around on the blog for the last few months. I am mostly happy with it, the only two things that I'm not quite happy with are 1) The Title and 2) The Theme.



Every background I seem to choose is either too cutesy or too emo, and Tea and Shopping With Alice was a name I made up in Jr. High, and it doesn't reflect who I am now. Since I started breathing new life into this blog my general goal was to make it look more professional while still maintaining my personality. I feel that everything here does that except the title and background, which are really the only things newcomers notice. I've been brainstorming back and forth, hoping that one thing, either tittle or background, will lead to the other. But nothing has stuck, so weather you're a regular or not please don't mind the constantly changing background, It will end soon, I promise. As for names, I thought about things with my name, but I don't like anything I've come up with, and so I genuinely would love some suggestions. But this is really just a heads up that there will be a change in the not so distant future.



On a similar note I've been thinking a lot about the kind of content I share here on this blog. What I've done in the past, what I've been doing lately and what I'd like to do in the future. My favorite posts I've done lately are my reviews, and my reading updates, which I'll admit I stole from Erin at Just A Girl Kindling (go check her out), my travel/day trip posts, which are few and far between, and my holiday posts.  I've been looking over the things I've done in the past, and what I've thought about them as well.



My post on anxiety was supposed to turn into a series where I talk about mental illness. I thought about doing interviews with friends of mine who are working through mental illness, and I thought about doing a post about my own struggles with MAS (meconium aspiration syndrome) and anxiety. I've held back on posts like this in the past because I know that I can get a "woe is me" mentality when I start thinking about my own situation, and that would not be my intent. I keep going back and forth on it, and would love to see if there's any interest in it.



In the past I've also done Outfit of the Day posts, which I've enjoyed. I've been thinking about doing them again, but I've had doubts. In all honesty I've gained a lot of weight in the past few years, and I'm unhappy with that. I don't have a lot of clothes that are my style that also fit well, and honestly I don't really know what "my style" is anymore. It's changed a lot in the past few years. But as I've gone through my closet a few weekends ago I found some things that I love, that I look good in, and that I feel great in and I'd like to get back into the swing of outfit posts. So they will definitely be making a comeback.



On a similar note I'd like to start doing some posts on fitness. My goal is to just start regularly exercising and eating healthier, and in the past posting on Instagram has kept me motivated and consistent with my dietary goals. I thought maybe doing some lifestyle posts here would be helpful as well. My goal with fitness is and has always been health based. I know that often we can upset ourselves with how others look compared to how we look, and although I am no stranger to that (are any of us really?) I am going into this with the mindset of health being my focus, and not appearance.



Since puberty I've been a bigger girl. Genetics has caused me to put on muscle fast (cursing me to a life in search of wide calve boots), and the wild card of life has made me big chested since I was young. It's not my fault, these are things I need to accept. But that being said I am not good at saying no to sweets, and my genetic health has to be taken into account. I have many family members who have diabetes, and having seen firsthand what it can do to someone I do not want to go down that path myself. I think blogging about my health goals could keep me in check. I'd be keeping updates here on workouts I've been getting into and homemade meal prep I've been doing (no carb, but still delicious). This would include recipes, and storage tips (my sister found these great lunch boxes and she does all her meal prep with them). I love doing yoga, but since I've been saving for a car I haven't been going to classes lately, however my mom has a couple of workout DVDs around the house that I've been meaning to try out. I also love to go on walks and hikes, and just need to get myself on a schedule of going regularly, and making my health a priority. My plan is to use my blog to document how these things go.



However, my main goal for the year is to start minimizing and scheduling. I have to admit I've become a little obsessed with the journal and planner people on Instagram and YouTube, and it's really helped me to start scheduling the above plans I have. I've been journaling since Jr. High, but I am not good at planning (the main reason that new Years Resolutions have never been successful for me). I tend to be someone who gets a wild idea and then tries to juggle too much at once. That's why I've made this post, it's a way for me to say, "Okay these are my goals in bullets, or paragraphs, let's pick one and start working on it." So ti complete this goal I'll be posting updates here on the blog on how my other goals are going, I'll be scheduling hikes, and blog posts and reading goals as I work through these goals, and I'll be documenting it all here. From what I see resolutions and goals are all about making new and positive habits that replace the old negative ones. Maybe I'll only be able to make one or two of these goals a habit this year, but I'll be able to look back and maybe pick up another one or two for next year. Changing your lifestyle is a lot of work, and a long road (for lack of a better metaphor) but I've been needing some change, and so here goes.

~Delaney

Reading Update 1/9/18

The first week of January is over and I have been reading like crazy! Well, I've been listening like crazy. Ever since I discovered Audiobooksync I have been listening to a lot of audio books. I talked about them in my 2017 Reading Post, but they are a website that gives out two audiobooks a week for 16 weeks in the summer, which is pretty freaking awesome if you ask me (#NotSpon).
Last year I started listening to a lot of audiobooks, because I could read while at work, and while travelling in the summer without bringing a load of books with me. Now it's become a bit of a habit.

On the fourth I finished Freakling by Lana Krumwiede, and I really liked it. It tells the story of Taemon, a teenage boy living in a future version of our world where people have developed Psi, the ability to manipulate objects with one's mind. After an accident Taemon's Psi goes away, forcing him to leave to a colony of non-Psi users, called The Dud Farm, where he learns about the dark side of this Utopian society. There are two more books in the series, and I'm thinking about getting them because of how weird and good the first book was, but it does work as a stand alone book. I rated it three stars because the world building was a little choppy but the overall story was really good.

Yesterday I finished In Our Backyard by Nita Bells. This book was really hard to listen to, but I feel like it's an important one to read.
In Our Backyard recounts the true stories of trafficking survivors who struggled for their lives during these traumatic experiences. Nita Bells works with trafficking survivors to work through the trauma, and rehabilitate them with jobs and a support system. The book goes into detail on the different types of trafficking and slavery that goes on here in America, how to spot it, get help for survivors, and prevent it from happening in the future. It is brutally honest in it's description of this secret world of traffickers, but for good cause. This is something that should be talked about more often. I personally didn't know how prevalent it is in the United States, and was shocked by finding out. This book also informs you about the various programs available for survivors, and how you can support them in their fight to end human trafficking. I highly recommend this book.

I am currently half way through 6th Grade Supernatural by J. B. Cantwell and I will post a review of that when I've finished. Let me know what your current reads are. It's starting to get rainy here, which always makes me want to hunker down with some books and coffee, and enjoy being cozy, so I might be readathoning this next weekend. Which just sounds wonderful!

~Delaney

2017 In Books

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season, and that you are enjoying the new year so far! I thought it would be fun to look back on what I read in 2017, what I liked, what I didn't like, and how my goal went. And if you like this maybe I'll do it again next year!



At the beginning of the year I set a Goodreads goal of 10 books, as I'm sure I've mentioned before, I'm a bit of a slow reader, or at least slower than I'd like to be, so I thought 10 books would give me roughly 4 1/2 weeks to finish each book. Last spring with me starting school, I didn't have a lot of time to devote to reading for fun, and so I made little progress.

I did finish All I Know Now by Carrie Hope Fletcher which I loved. I know it's silly to admit it. It seems like everyone who runs a YouTube channel is coning out with books, but I really enjoy her blog so I thought I'd pick up her book, and I' glad I did. This is one of those books that I wish I had read when I was in high school. My senior year I dealt with a lot of senseless drama with some friends, and it really hurt  our relationships with each other. It hurt a lot when I was going through that, and if I had this book it would have been the kick in the pants I needed. Reading it as an adult was a great way to both make fun of the awkward people we all are in high school and feel a sense of solidarity that it wasn't just me. This book has been described as a big sister who's already been through the teen-age giving advice to her younger sister as she is about to head into it, and honestly it is! This book is filled with wonderful stories of a girl growing up in an extraordinary way with truly ordinary teenage struggles. It's like a hug in book form!

After that I picked up a bunch of different things, mostly audio books through Audiobooksync. A website that gives out two free books, every week for 16 weeks in the summer. I got a lot of audio books this year, and last, through this website, and I loved having something I could put on this summer while traveling, and back home while at work, it really helped to get me on track with my goal. One thing I liked about this website is that half of the books were young adult, mostly fiction, but they were always paired with a similar book that was either non fiction or a classic, always with a similar theme or topic. For example, The Dead House by Dawn Kurtagitch was paired with the Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde the first week, and it was cool to see these different horror stories play out back to back, and pick out the similarities in this genre. All of the audio books I listened to this year were from this website and I loved the variety in these stories. I would definitely recommend The Dead House, Bone Gap, The Red Umbrella, and Boy. They were all really good stories, and excellent on audio, though I did pick up The Dead House in paperback and I recommend reading it with both simultaneously to get the most out of that story.

I got a few of the reviews I needed to get done for a while out of the way this year with Carson Crosses Canada, When Santa Was a Baby and Hack and Whack. But I haven't finished 6th Grade Supernatural or The Fire by Night yet, and I will have those reviews out as soon as I do. Weirdly the majority of the books I got from LibraryThing were children's books this year. Partially because they seemed to be some of the more interesting titles offered this year, and partially because they are short and easy to review. I reviewed all of these books on LibraryThing, Amazon, and Goodreads, but I did post here about When Santa Was A Baby, and I'll be reviewing more books on the blog this year.

Currently I am reading 6th Grade Supernatural by J.B. Cantwell (47% complete), and The Fire by Night by Teresa Messineo (25% complete), both of which I will review here on the blog as soon as I've finished them.

And that was my year in books! Let me know how your 2017 reading goal went in the comments, and I'll talk to you soon!

~Delaney